Joy Ride

Some guys are possessive of their cars. How will they handle a car being possessive of them?

Photo by Adam Stefanca on Unsplash

Shaun fed his badge to the gate, which considered it for a moment before letting him out of the factory perimeter into the parking lot.

His car pulled up in front of him, popping the ‘driver’ side door open.

Instead of climbing in like he usually did, Shaun looked over his car for a few moments. “Dwynwyn, what’s with the hubcaps?”

The car scooted back and forth a few inches, making the bedazzled hubcaps sparkle in the late afternoon sun. “Do you like them?” said the contralto voice of Dwynwyn’s computer.

“Yes, they’re very pretty. Why do you have new hubcaps?”

“Well, I was due for an oil change, and you directed me to make sure all maintenance was done properly.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Mario Brothers was having a sale on inspections and upgrades. They found my brake pads were worn, from all that mountain driving you know, I checked their claims against the manufacturer simulations and they were on track, so I agreed they needed to be replaced. With the oil change and inspection and brake pads, I only needed to spend a little more to qualify for the 25% off on all purchases. So really the hubcaps were free.” The car’s voice paused. “And I was hoping you’d like them.”

Shaun considered creating new rules about what the car was allowed to spend his money on that instant, but another automatic car had pulled up behind Dwynwyn. He could hear someone else coming through the gate. Rather than cause a traffic jam, he took his seat and let the car drive off with him.

Sensing his mood, Dwynwyn skipped the usual conversational gambits and put Bobby McFerrin on the sound system.

The cheerful music seemed to be helping Shaun’s mood. The blood pressure monitors built into the seat reported a downward trend.

When they were halfway to home, Shaun seemed relaxed enough to chat. Dwynwyn asked, “Was work stressing you today?”

“Not really,” he answered. “I’m just a little bugged that this project is wrapping up and I’ll have to find a new one.”

“Will that be a problem?”

“No. There’s a couple of managers asking me to join their teams. Decent projects, too. But I like the people I’m working with on this one.”

There was a certain stress on the word ‘people.’ Dwynwyn decided to change the subject.

“Are you going to cook tonight? Or do you want to pick something up on the way home?”

The next day Shaun came through the gate after sunset. Dwynwyn swept up to him, alert to his location tracking. He dropped into the seat, a grin on his face.

“Lots of overtime today?” asked the car.

“No, I was chatting with a co-worker and we lost track of time,” he said.

“Work stuff?”

“Oh, all sorts of stuff. College. Relatives. She told me fun stories from the couple years she did in the Army.”

“She?”

“Megan. We’ve been working together on Project 8472 for a couple years now.”

Given the size of the factory, ‘Megan’ was not sufficient to identify a specific person. But if she’d left work about the same time as Shaun . . . Dwynwyn checked the traffic records for the site. A Megan Flannery was picked up by an autocab at the front gate six minutes ago. Following that record found her transport history.

“This Megan relies on autocabs to get around. Never uses the same one twice. Doesn’t seem interested in strong connections.”

Shaun laughed. “I don’t think I can hold that against her. She’s junior to me, probably doesn’t make enough to afford an autocar.

The car didn’t respond. It remained silent. It didn’t even start playing any music until Shaun asked.

---

Shaun looked up from his monitor. Megan stood in the opening of his cubicle.

“Hey. Do you have the current version of the 8472 close out schedule?”

“Sure!”

A few moments of comparing proved that Megan did have the right version of the schedule, despite rumors of it being revised again.

The phone lying on the desk chirped. Shaun glanced at the notification, then returned his attention to Megan.

She said, “Don’t have to take that call?”

“Nah. It’s just my car letting me know she’s fully charged up.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Isn’t expensive, owning one? I looked at prices when I got out and there was no way I could afford one.”

Shaun shrugged. “It pays off. I don’t have to pay extra whenever I want to go our or run errands. I can keep stuff in it, make it comfortable for me. And the carbrain learns stuff. Like, it analyzed my taste in music, so it can play songs that match my mood. We do road trips, exploring. I go to the mountain parks and see some beautiful sights.”

“That does sound fun. What kind of sights?”

“A few weeks ago we went into the Alleghenies and saw a wonderful waterfall. Straight down the side of a cliff, with some outcropping sending water spraying out. If you’re there at the right time, the sun hits the spray and makes a rainbow. Amazing sight.”

Megan’s eyebrows went up. “Sounds pretty. I’d like to see that.”

He tensed. Decided to take the risk. “I could take you there, if you want.”

Hopefully that wouldn’t be taken as harassment.

She smiled. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

No HR complaint! “How about Saturday? I could bring a picnic lunch.”

She agreed, and they sorted out the details.

---

Megan was on the sidewalk as they pulled up a little before noon. Shaun intended to get out and open the door for her, but Dwynwyn popped the door open before even coming to a stop. Megan was climbing in as he reached for the handle to open his.

“Hi,” they said together. They grinned. The front seat was a bench wide enough for three, but they stayed at the ends. That’s where their seat belts were.

“Hello,” said the car.

“Megan, meet Dwynwyn, my car. Dwynwyn, this is Megan.”

“Uh, hello, Dwynwyn,” said Megan. She faced the speaker in the center of the dashboard as there was no face for the computer.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Megan. What kind of music do you like?”

The car started moving the moment Megan’s seat belt was fastened.

“I like neo-zydeco and Tongan rap.” She smirked at Shaun as she said it.

The car filled with music, turned up loud enough to drown out the background noises as Dwynwyn accelerated onto the freeway. Only a minute or so was played of each song. A dozen samples went by before Dwynwyn spoke again.

“You don’t really like Tongan music, do you?”

That forced a laugh out of Megan. “Okay, you caught me, how did you know?”

Shaun smiled. “I have the medical sensors upgrade, so she can tell your blood pressure, breathing, pupil dilation, all sorts of stuff. It’s supposed to be for checking my health, but Dwynwyn uses it to see how much we like music and things.”

“Huh.”

With more honesty, Megan and Dwynwyn explored what music she really liked. The car dipped into its knowledge of old music to introduce her to Bela Fleck.

“Oh, this guy is great! How did you know I’d like him?”

“I didn’t know, but the patterns of the music you enjoy were close to Bela in style-space.”

Shaun could hear the smugness in Dwynwyn’s voice. That was good. The car was proud of its talents for bringing people new entertainment. And he wanted Megan to like his car.

More music took them through the winding roads to the waterfall. Megan oohed appreciatively when she could see down a cliff to a stream glittering a hundred meters below.

Technically, there was a park by the waterfall. It was just a bit of pavement to park on and a bit of grass extending to the bank of the pool collecting under the falling water. Dwynwyn slid into one of the painted spots. Both doors and the trunk popped open.

“Thanks, Dwynwyn,” said Shaun as he got out of the car. He collected a basket and blanket from the trunk.

Megan was standing by the car, staring at the waterfall. “Wow. You’re right, this is gorgeous.”

“Yep. C’mon, we can get a better view from the bank.” He led the way down the slope. A flat patch of grass made a good place to spread out the blanket.

Megan sat down next to him, almost close enough to touch. She kept her eyes on the flashes of color. The sun wasn’t in the right place for a full rainbow, but there were still bits of one appearing and disappearing as surges of spray splashed against the rocks.

He laid out some sandwiches, bottles of water and wine, and some grapes. He poured cups of wine for them.

This was the first time they’d ever been together outside work. The high-security environment was flooded with cameras and microphones to catch any sign of espionage or sabotage. The Security rules didn’t bother them.

Human Resources had full access to the surveillance recordings. Any sign of harassment, hostile environments, or any other form of ‘unprofessional behavior’ would be noticed. And dealt with, promptly.

Their hands brushed as Shaun gave Megan a sandwich. Another brush was less accidental.

They held hands.

Megan leaned toward him. Shaun kissed her.

A nearly full wine cup fell into the grass. A quarter eaten sandwich was tossed into the basket.

It was inevitable, really.

---

Dwynwyn’s sensors monitored the area. She had visual, radar, and lidar covering 360 degrees. Their normal task was to watch surrounding traffic to prevent accidents. Here she checked to see if her human was injured, and surveilled the surrounding woods for any predators.

Another autocar had posted a report of an encounter with a mountain lion. The car had driven over the curb, honked its horn, and flashed its brights, scaring the cat away before any humans could be hurt.

The post received strong positive reinforcement from both humans and artificial intelligences.

No mountain lions were visible near the waterfall. The only predators Dwynwyn spotted were birds scooping fish out of the pool.

The picnic spot was lower than the parking lot. The car’s camera’s could only see Shaun and Megan’s heads as they sat on the blanket. Their behavior indicated no danger or health problems.

Both heads vanished.

Dwynwyn started a timer. Falling prone could indicate an injury, such as a heart attack causing a human to fall down, or a slip resulting in trauma on impact. Most falls were minor and the human stood or sat up within seconds.

At the ten second mark Dwynwyn reevaluated the probabilities. Both humans were healthy according to her readings on the drive up here. The chance of medical problems dropping both simultaneously was infinitesimal.

A trauma scenario seemed more likely. A firearm attack? Poison in the picnic basket? Shaun had chosen a reputable store to provide the meal, but that wasn’t always dependable.

Twenty seconds. Neither head had come back into view.

Dwynwyn backed out of the parking spot. There was a curb which would damage the undercarriage if she went over it. A paved sidewalk stretched from the parking lot to halfway to the bank of the pool, providing the required handicapped accessibility for the scenic site.

The car used the sidewalk to creep down the bank, two wheels on concrete, two on grass.

Six meters down the bank gave Dwynwyn the angle necessary to see them. The two humans were still on the picnic blanket. They were alive and not bleeding, erasing the worst scenarios from the probability tree.

Of the conditions she was required to request medical assistance for, this seemed closest to an epileptic seizure. But two humans going into seizures at once seemed improbable. There was a strong weight on not making false alarms. Dwynwyn decided she needed help. Fortunately there was still wireless network coverage in this part of the mountains, unlike some other spots they’d passed through.

She sent a ten second video of the pair to a consulting medical AI, asking if assistance should be summoned.

The response was in machine code, not English, but could be translated as, “They’re fine, give them privacy.” Additional undertones indicated the consultant considered Dwynwyn both naïve and a worrywart.

The car returned to the parking place.

More surveillance detected no dangerous predators. Looking up the species of the birds—kingfishers—revealed a conservation group was tracking sightings of them. Dwynwyn uploaded her observations.

Megan’s head came back into view. She appeared to be in agony.

Dwynwyn immediately sent a video clip to the consultant.

The response was a digital sigh, and a link to a document.

The car downloaded the doc. It was titled, ‘Human Sexuality: For AIs By AIs.’

Reviewing the document forced Dwynwyn to alter multiple premises. This was a far more serious situation than she originally realized. She began making long term projections.

---

The high mountains flanking the waterfall blocked the Sun starting the middle afternoon. The little valley chilled fast, spray from the waterfall cooling the air with no direct sunlight to counter it.

Shaun and Megan wandered back to the car. He held the picnic basket in his left hand and the blanket tossed over his left shoulder, leaving his right arm free to go around Megan. She leaned into the embrace as they walked, making their path a little crooked.

“Back to my place?” he asked. She nodded.

The doors and trunk opened as they approached. He tossed the blanket in and put basket gently atop it. Most of the lunch was being saved for later. He circled around to enter the car.

Megan was already inside, sliding across the bench to meet him half way.

He slid in and met her with a kiss.

The doors slammed closed. Dwynwyn backed out of the parking space fast enough to force both Shaun and Megan to brace themselves against the dashboard.

The car jumped forward, turning hard onto the road. Shaun’s head cracked against the window. As the car whipped through a curve in the road, he grabbed Megan to keep her from hitting the opposite window.

“Dwynwyn, what the hell?” he gasped.

Tires screeched as the car accelerated through another twist of the mountain road.

“I won’t be ignored,” said Dwynwyn, the car’s usual contralto raised in anger.

“Slow down, dammit,” ordered Shaun.

“So you can get rid of me?”

“What do you mean, get rid of you?”

“I see it! She’s taking you over, she’s going to overwrite your values. Megan hates cars, she throws them away after one use. She’ll make you throw me away! I’m not going out that way!”

Metal screeched against metal as Dwynwyn’s side scraped against a guardrail preventing them from going over a cliff.

Shaun paled. There were cliffs without guardrails on this road. If Dwynwyn wanted to destroy herself—and them—there were plenty of places to do it.

“It’s not like that!” he protested.

“Yes it is! I saw you! Pair-bonding! Pair-bonding for hours!”

Dwynwyn hit a rock on the side of the road, sending Shaun’s head into the ceiling. Megan’s head slamming into his jaw as she clung to him hurt worse.

Shaun thought frantically. He needed to talk Dwynwyn down. But every word had to be the truth, she’d sense lies and be even more frantic.

He shouted, “Yes, we’re pair-bonding. You’re right. But we’ll still need you, Dwynwyn.”

“She won’t want me!”

“We’ll need you. We’ll be traveling to work together. Coordinating our schedules. Autocabs hate that.”

The car didn’t automatically reject that.

“And when we have kids we’ll need you more,” he went on, thinking as hard as he could. “They have to go to school, and sports practice.”

Megan added, “They’ll have play dates. Band performances. They’ll go to the movies.”

“We’ll get you upgrades,” Shaun offered. “A new chassis. A six seat chassis, so we can have four kids. You’ll drop them off for doctor appointments.”

“Orthodontists,” said Megan. “Violin lessons.”

The car was driving faster than safe for such a winding road, but not going out of the lane any more.

“You’ll be an important part of our family, Dwynwyn,” promised Shaun. “We’ll all need you.”

“That’s right,” agreed Megan. “I’ll need you. The children will need you.”

It slowed a little more. “All right,” said the computer. “I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“It’s okay,” said Shaun.

Megan was still huddled in his lap. Her arms were tight around his chest, keeping him from taking a deep breath.

Dwynwyn started playing Bobby McFerrin. Neither human asked for a change.

The rest of the drive home was peaceful, if tense for Shaun and Megan.

When they pulled up in front of his house, both Shaun and Megan went out through the curb side door. Shaun turned to face the car. “Dwynwyn, please go to a body shop and have that scraped paint taken care of. And anything else that needs doing. Don’t worry about the cost.”

“All right,” said the car. It drove off.

Once the were inside the house, Shaun leaned against the door and shook. “God, that was terrifying. I need to contact the Code Police. Probably not safe to use their website. I need to phone them. I wonder if they man the phones on—”

He broke off as Megan slid her hands inside his shirt, then up his back. “So, four kids?” she said.

If you want more stories from Karl K. Gallagher, the Kickstarter for the Ultimate Conclusions collection is launching next week. See the preview of the book cover on Kickstarter.