Ecology

No matter how nasty the predator, it keeps other species in balance.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

“I kill vampires. It’s what I do.” The young woman didn’t pause as she whittled away at a chunk of oak branch. A line of pointed stakes showed what she was producing.

The government man said, “Killing vampires is fine. It’s how many vampires you’re killing.”

A middle aged man was sitting at a desk stacked high with old books, now shoved aside to accommodate two computer monitors. “Normally when the government visits us, it’s an FBI agent wanting help with some monster they can’t kill.”

The second bureaucrat said, “Yes, we appreciate your organization’s past support. Right now there isn’t much monster activity. Which I understand we have you to thank for.”

The young woman shrugged without interrupting the strokes of her knife. “Ghouls are easier to kill than vampires.”

“We’re curious,” said the first bureaucrat. “How have you become so much more effective at vampire hunting?”

The whittler exchanged a look with the man at the desk. He turned to face the two people from the government. “I’m sorry, could I see your badges?”

“Henry Dovecot, Homeland Security.” He held out a small leather folder containing an identification card.

The other just had a plastic rectangle with her picture. “Anna Templeton, Environmental Protection Agency.”

“Not the parts of the government we’re used to dealing with,” said the mentor. “But I’m happy to explain.”

“Thank you.”

He waved at the stacks of books. “We still rely on the old lore for how to kill monsters. Especially whenever anything unusual turns up. But finding them is just a matter of monitoring the internet.”

“I didn’t think vampires used the internet,” said Dovecot.

“They don’t. But there are tells of vampire activity. Odd police reports. People complaining on Reddit. Sightings mentioned in Tumblr threads. I have search routines which look for certain phrases.”

As the mentor went on about his data analysis, the Homeland Security man looked about the room. The west wall was covered with racks of weapons. Crossbows, throwing knives, staffs, swords both European and Japanese, and several crucifixes, which were more effective against vampires than the others. The south wall had maps. One of the USA, several others of major cities. All had pins in them of various colors.

East and north had overflowing bookcases, though one had been cleared out to hold several computers.

“. . . so we’ve been able to find each outbreak much closer to its starting point. That makes the job easier, as there’s fewer vamps in the city and they haven’t had time to establish safe lairs.”

“It sounds like you’re close to wiping them out completely,” said Templeton of the EPA.

The mentor smiled bashfully as he took off his glasses and wiped them. “I did make a rough projection. In three years we may have eliminated all vampires from the USA. That still leaves ghouls and such, plus any vamps which may decide to immigrate, but we’d be in a much better position.”

The young woman’s whittling paused for the first time. “I might be able to have a normal life,” she said wistfully.

Templeton turned to her. “In your operations, have you seen any homeless encampments?”

“Oh, sure. Vamps find a lot of victims in them. It’s always the first place we look for one. They’re really bad, though. Those people are having a miserable life. Somebody should help them.”

“They are being helped,” spoke up Dovecot. “Cities and states are pouring billions into caring for them. Not part of my department’s responsibilities, of course, but I’m aware of the work they’re doing.”

“Well, they need to do more. People are suffering.”

The mentor said dryly, “Or maybe do less.”

Dovecot glared at him. “They’re trying the best they can.”

“And yet there are more homeless every year. Perhaps their best is worsening the problem, not helping it.”

“That’s not our fault, it’s yours!” snapped Templeton.

The room fell silent. The vampire hunter looked to her mentor with a shocked expression. Then the man said, “I beg your pardon?”

Dovecot stepped in front of his colleague. “I’m sorry. We wanted to bring this issue up more diplomatically.”

The mentor stood up and braced himself against the corner of his desk, placing himself closer to the vampire hunter. He kept his hands free to move. “What issue?”

“It’s basic ecology,” said Templeton. “For any species, if you eliminate the predator, its population will explode. It’ll keep growing until it wipes out its food source. Antelope and grass, deer in the forest, rabbits in Australia. As you wipe out vampires, the homeless population is exploding.”

The mentor removed his glasses, wiped them with a monogrammed handkerchief, and replaced them. “The homeless are not a different species. They are humans, like you and me.”

“But they’re a separate population ecologically. They don’t interbreed, they’re living off a different source of support, and they’re separated from the housed humans for predation. Vampires can’t go into someone’s house to attack them. The homeless are exposed.”

The scrape of knife on wood stopped. “Wait. You mean I’m making more homeless?”

“No,” said her mentor. “The homeless have always been there. But now that they’re not being eaten, they’re visible to everyone else. That’s what you mean, don’t you, Ms. Templeton?”

“It’s the same thing, ecologically. If you have constant input and remove the attrition, the population expands.”

The half-finished stake clattered on the floor. The hunter stood, one foot advanced, the knife held pointed at their guests. “So you want me to stop killing vampires? Just let them eat everybody?”

Both bureaucrats recoiled from the threat.

Her mentor placed a hand on her forearm, pushing it down. “If you want the homeless dead, you could certainly murder them all yourselves. The government has plenty of guns.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Dovecot. “No one’s considering that. We just need to, well, return to the previous status quo.”

“Before you drove vampires to near-extinction,” added the EPA woman.

“Vampires should be extinct! They’re evil!” insisted the hunter.

Puzzled looks passed across the bureaucrats’ faces. Dovecot said, “Even if we stipulate they’re evil, which is not something I’m allowed to get into, they occupy a significant niche as a predator.”

“The imbalance without them is creating a significant strain at all levels of government,” added Templeton.

The hunter brought her knife hand up again.

Her mentor placed a firm hand on her shoulder. “Please sit, dear.”

She obeyed, but didn’t resume the whittling.

“What, exactly, are you asking of us?” said the mentor.

“Just balance. Roll things back to about twenty years ago. Let both predators and prey reach stable populations.” Templeton proffered a stapled printout from her clipboard.

“We have not been taking a census of vampires,” said the mentor. “We simply hunt them down as we find them. Leaving a known vampire alone would be placing ourselves at risk, since they’d be likely to come after us preemptively. It’s been tried before.”

He glanced at his charge. “In past times, they’ve succeeded.”

“One option would be for us to monitor the homeless populations, which we’re already doing, and send you maps.” Dovecot waved at the pin-studded maps on the wall. “Wherever the population is above acceptable levels would be off-limits for you to hunt in. When the homeless are fewer, you’re welcome to kill as many vampires as you can catch.”

Hunter and mentor locked eyes for a long moment. They didn’t say anything, nor did their expressions change in any way noticeable by the bureaucrats. But before either visitor broke the silence, the hunter turned back to them. “No.”

“No?” demanded Templeton.

The mentor said, “No is a complete sentence.”

“Look, we represent the Federal government,” said Templeton. “You can’t just go around killing whatever you want in defiance of our regulations.”

“Vampires are neither people nor animals. They are not part of your jurisdiction. There are no regulations concerning them.”

She replied, “The Environmental Protection Agency has the authority to add species to the Endangered Species List. Once we do that, each one you kill is a federal crime.”

“So sue me,” said the hunter. “I’d like to see you defend that in court.”

“The EPA has its own courts. Read up on administrative law. Each violation is a year in jail and a fifty thousand dollar fine.”

The hunter snorted. “Fine me? I’m broke.”

“Your supporting organization would be liable for the fines.” Templeton’s gaze switched to the mentor. “I believe there are some considerable assets involved.”

“Less than you might think. The organization, as you call it, has responsibilities outside the USA.”

“But its bases are in nations we have extradition agreements with.”

“You really think I can’t break out of any jail you put me in?” said the hunter hotly.

The mentor raised his hand. “I believe you can, dear, but it would interfere with our activities. Let me point out a different aspect. Many Native American tribes have exemptions for endangered species hunting. Our vampire hunting is in essence a religious obligation. There’s plenty of precedent for providing us with an exemption.”

“The Amerinds aren’t exterminating species!”

“Bald eagles don’t deserve to go extinct.”

Dovecot broke in. “Can I ask EPA to cede jurisdiction to me?”

Templeton grunted.

He took that as a yes. “While my remit is domestic, I’m aware of vampire activity in other countries. There are some where it’s almost the reverse of where we are now. The homeless almost extinct, while the vampires are besieging the housed population.”

The mentor nodded. “We are aware of this. The—organization—supports vampire hunters where we can find them. But it’s hard to intervene in other nations. Like theft, cross-border violence is an area where governments hate competition.”

“So—you’d like to go vampire hunting in other nations?”

The hunter responded emphatically.

“Language, dear,” said the mentor. “We want to. But we don’t have the funds or the infrastructure to go on such expeditions.”

Dovecot grinned. “The Feds have both. We do covert operations in other countries all the time. Sometimes with the permission of their government. We can provide money, passports, false identities, safe houses . . .” He glanced at the west wall. “Any weapons you want that you don’t already have. The local government may be willing to provide additional assets.”

“Governments in vampire-infested regions are often compromised. I’d hate to go into a safe house and find an ambush.”

The Homeland Security man shrugged. “Covert ops are routine for the people I’ll put you in touch with. They have those same worries, if for different reasons.”

Conflicting emotions crossed the hunter’s face. She tried—and failed—to put on a sober expression.

“Or do you only care when Americans are eaten by vampires?” asked Dovecot.

“I care! But protecting Americans is my job.” She scooped up the half-done stake and began whittling again.

“Go hunting elsewhere and you could kill ten, maybe twenty vampires in the time it takes you to find one here.” Dovecot left that as his killshot and waited for someone else to speak.

Hunter and mentor traded a long look again. This time the mentor turned to the bureaucrats. “Yes, that is a proposition that interests us. I’ll need to speak to some other people before I can give you a final decision. And we’ll still spend some time hunting in the USA to make sure the vampires don’t get out of control.”

“That’s acceptable to my department.” Dovecot looked at his EPA counterpart. She nodded.

“Please visit us again in a week.”

More stories by Karl K. Gallagher are on Amazon and Audible.